“When coping with aggressive behavior, it’s vital to realize that the person with dementia cannot control his reaction and is not necessarily aiming his anger at you. If your uncle with dementia calls you names or tries to slap you, it does not mean that he doesn’t love you⏤he simply cannot fully control his emotions.

When a person with dementia first exhibits an aggressive behavior, such as verbal or physical abuse, do not just turn away. Move away from the person slowly and keep a safe distance if need be, but do your best to figure the problem out. Leaving him alone or giving him time to cool down is not necessarily the best answer. Extend your hand to him and speak calmly. Smile, try to stay positive, and do not talk in a loud voice. Be sure not to overwhelm him with a big group, either. If you were feeling upset or combative, the last thing you would want is a big group of people trying to calm you down all at once.

Of course, whenever someone is managing aggressive behavior, that person must recognize when they are in danger. For example, if your spouse is becoming more and more physically aggressive, it may not be safe for you to continue sharing a home with her. It is okay⏤and potentially necessary⏤to call the police if things escalate into a situation that you cannot control. Even though you love your spouse, and she cannot control her reactions, it is imperative to keep yourself safe. You cannot successfully cope or help your family member or friend if you are in immediate danger. Again, this situation is rare. In people with dementia, aggression is usually limited in scope and does not last long.

Like most dementia-related behaviors, solving the problem means determining its root. When is your spouse becoming aggressive? What time of day is it? What is happening before she acts aggressively? Who is around? These are all important questions to ask. For example, a person who lashes out every evening may be experiencing sundowning. A different sleep cycle, a snack, or some time spent in a quiet space may solve the issue. May your spouse’s aggressive reaction happens whenever she comes into contact with a certain caregiver or, in the case of a care community, a particular resident.”

Listen to our podcast conversation with Rachael on her Dementia By Day podcast. We discuss many topics including if you should put up mirrors in memory care.

Vivant Senior Living provides exceptional memory care services in vibrant, residential homes for seniors with Alzheimer's and dementia in Central Florida. If you’re interested in memory care for your loved one, contact us or call (407) 543-2028.